hold pain as there most favorite aide? I don’t either LOL, but I do know there are a lot of people who rock up to your house much quicker when they have pain to discuss than joy. It doesn’t serve you to get coated in their emotional debris. That’s the price I guess of ‘lending your ears’, I always thought it most important to take your friends seriously and therefore I have sat and listened for hours in cars until 7am. on my sofa, on their sofa, in a cafe and that’s fine I do not mind. As I know some will appreciate this and some won’t. When you choose you have to accept responsibility for your choice. If you truly ‘give’ then you must be OK with the response to your give. (I think that makes sense) If you give advice because you want to be right about a topic or you want the person to take wholeheartedly your advice then I think you might become undone. There’s a reason psychiatrists listen and let there clients talk.
I tried to explain to a friend recently
when she tried to make her unhappiness, mine that left to my own devices I’m quite happy. I said it would be nice if some people would not proceed to tell me every painful incident since I last saw them and perhaps start with some of the happier events. If they knew me well enough they’d know that they’re pain is not my entertainment. I don’t actually like hearing my friends going through a hard time. (That’s why I ‘chip in’ and try to help.) That would make me horrid and in truth I like myself enough to want to have a good time with them. I do think it important to give the best of yourself to people you care about. I recognize we all need council at some points. I’ve only just learned that some may say they seek advice but unless you tell them what they want to hear. Well it just turns into something rather unsavory for both parties.
You see, relaying joy is not that interesting,
people call you smug, and self important, the list goes on. There is in society this ‘malaise’ ‘that one must know his place’. When you try to share your joy, some people step in to keep you in a place they can accept you in. I think people can be superior sometimes, they want your joy on their terms so you hide your good news and only share it with a few because you intrinsically know that most listen through a gauze made out of their own needs. That’s why I’m about promoting people addressing themselves, taking the steps it takes to be personally happy. Only when you are genuinely fulfilled and understand and pursue the steps to self fulfillment can you truly become content for others. A large group of people I think find it easier to be happy for one person than maybe on a one tone level. How sad is that? Some seem to be frightened by it because at the forefront of their think9ing structure is their is the incomprehensibility of the happy person’s joy. They look on at you and estimate you have less than I have what have you got to be so happy about. People say patronizing things when traveling like they are so poor these people but they are so happy. That’s people are looking at others through the gauze of their own needs.
I have waited for some friends to understand what I’m about
and it’s only recently I’ve learned from some that as long as I’m in a place they can accept me, I’m fine. When I achieve the things I set out to do they aren’t so happy. I hear things like, “When you get to where your going you won’t want to know me any more?”. This statement just tells me what they would do when they get to their perceived destination. You cannot even when clever hide who you are, everything falls out of your mouth in fear or meanness. If they knew me better they’d know I’m as tenacious as a child eating it’s first lollipop and as loyal as a dog. I don’t do fickle there’s no merit in it.
When I suggest you listen to what your friends say and stop making excuses for them if they’re cruel. Then you’ll truly discern who is for you and who isn’t. Again I’m not advocating chucking people away but you have to be mindful about whose advice you take because sometimes, just sometimes the people you love or cleave to aren’t telling you the things you need to hear to get where you want to go. They are not horrible but like all of us they have internal script which is so entrenched they are at a loss to change it.
When people say awful things to me I just ask them to think about what they’ve just said. They will probably say I was just joking (that’s the easiest out and the hiding place of those who choose not to think or are entrenched in their conditioning). This is fine but if you find yourself asking more than 8 times in the course of a conversation and they still do not understand what your going on about. Then they’re might be a few things to address?
Don’t you want to have a nice time,
I do? I’m pretty simple in my needs and I’m lucky to have found people I feel complicit with and who I feel ‘get it’. They do not put pressure on me when I want to be alone. (I’m a bit of a people pleaser so it it’s hard for me to say no, but I do now) They know that I am for them and may go beyond the ‘norm’ to support them but that’s my way and I know no other. I know this all sounds incredibly earnest, it is. I do think it important to lighten up and let your friends and situations breath. It’s just as important to let people be who they want to be nobody likes a goody-two-shoes and you have to know that nobody like to be challenged so ‘baby steps’ are always the best. : )
I would like people to become emotionally intelligent and the only route I know to that is through self exploration. Not too much navel gazing but finding the tools that are there in our world to make yourself happier. I hope that anybody reading this knows that the beginning to any joy is acceptance. That all you have learned before about your emotions and how to respond maybe wrong. If there is any hate, or superiority involved in your thinking about others then it probably is. I say this lots but if you want love then be love take on the principles in the clip below and apply them to your life. I think you’ll be happier if you do. : )
Thank you for your time and I hope today brings you the giggles you deserve and the hugs you attract
- “Pain is pain” (thiswomanswork.com)
- What is your intuition telling you? (wingsofencouragement.wordpress.com)
- A Thought Pulse to Happiness (rokuth.wordpress.com)
- Lighten UP! Shift your perspective and learn to experience joy (powerstrengthgrace.wordpress.com)
- How to Deal With Crappy People (businessinsider.com)
- The Difference Between Happiness And Joy (stevensawyer.wordpress.com)
- 101 Ways to be Happy (tripbase.com)